some bathroom banter

i shall preface this post by stating that from time to time, strange and stranger things go through this brain of mine regarding everyday occurrences; i don't think i'm alone here, after all, it seems human nature to obtain some level of interest, if not analytical contemplation from most everything we do. few activities provoke such erratic lines of thought more consistently, at least for this blogger, than using the restroom. this may be because relieving myself is a 7-10 times a day proposition, i'm alone at the time and thus more prone to a wandering mind, or maybe (and most likely) because as a 25 year old male i still maintain there is a fair amount of hilarity to be gleaned from pee and pooh.
Exhibit A: Over the past few years i've been working on what i call the P.E.F. i hesitate to call it a game, as i am normally the only competitor, i guess it's more of a contest with myself and a good barometer of my familiarity with my bodily functions. P.E.F. of course stands for preemptive flush. the objective is simple, to flush the toilet at the earliest possible moment (it must be mid-stream) while still ensuring that once the full flush cycle is complete that there will be no visual remnant of a urination in the bowl. i originally started toying with the P.E.F. on occasions when i was in a hurry to get back to the event from which the restroom visit had taken me (typically a movie or sporting event). i knew i had stumbled upon something that would change the way i looked at going to the bathroom forever; there are so many more factors to consider now: have i been drinking my usual water or is this urination caffeine induced, to what degree is my stomach distended and how is said distention affecting the pressure (and subsequently a feeling of fullness) on my bladder...the list goes on. recently, i've thrown in an extra twist...turning on the bathroom faucet post-flush but pre-finish in hopes of reaching the perfect water temperature at just the right time (not recommended for novice P.E.F.ers). it should be noted here that i normally do not wash my hands afterwards (how does the punchline go...when i was growing up i was taught not to piss on my hands) but have started in the interest of the perfectly dove-tailed restroom experience.
Exhibit B: i love how in public places with more than one bathroom the proprietors always find it necessary to designate them as men's and women's. obviously i'm talking about the "single seaters" here, restrooms only made for one person at a time. the more i think about it, the less sense it makes to me. in residences throughout the known world men and women share the same facilities, why can't they do it at the local mini-mart? is a grown man or woman expected to wait for one room to become available while its architectural twin sits unoccupied right in front of them? breaking down and using public facilities is often a large enough struggle for many people without the added angst and pain of tens and tens of extra seconds waiting to shamefully stoop to such a level. i, for one, thumb my nose at such designations by sporadically entering the door marked with the skirted stick figure...mostly to make people aware that i am not supportive of such inane appropriations, but also for the priceless looks received upon exit.